Visionary Greed: New Magic Lenses™ Instantly Convert Everyone and Everything Into a Dollar Sign

We Tried the Future, and It Valued Us at $0.00.

Good news: We’ve been given early access to the newest breakthrough in wearable technology—Magic Lenses™ that don’t just enhance your vision. No, no. These babies do something far more advanced. They translate every human interaction and everything, in general, into what really matters: monetizable potential.

Welcome to NIR-V™ (Near-Infrared Valuation), developed by a startup fueled entirely by podcast ads, ketamine retreats, and one former Googler who now calls himself a "value evangelist." These lenses use AI-driven biophotonics to assign real-time financial metrics to everything in your line of sight. Including, mercifully, yourself.

How It Works

Blink twice. Now your field of vision is cluttered with high-precision HUD tags showing:

• Monthly revenue
• Influence index
• Podcast guest credibility
• Net virality potential

We made eye contact with a barista. ROI: –0.3. She practically evaporated. Meanwhile, a guy walking his dog across the street had decent passive income and a scalable charisma model. We followed him for six blocks.

A Life-Altering Revelation™

At first, it was jarring. Then—it hit us.

We've been seeing the world wrong this whole time. One test user summed it up best: "I used to think my wife mattered. Then I saw her net engagement rate. These lenses didn't just open my eyes—they opened my portfolio."

Another user, gazing at a park bench, whispered in awe: "It's not just wood—it's unlicensed ad space." He wept softly. "How did I not know trees were unpaid influencers? Why did I spend so much of my life loving things instead of monetizing them?"

Ducks, once seen as whimsical nature decorations, now shimmered with hidden e-commerce potential. "I see it now," he gasped. "These aren't animals. These are scalable merchandise vectors."

Magic Lenses™ didn't distort reality. They revealed it—for the profit-rich landscape it truly is.

Additional Features

• Rebrands breakups as "asset divestments"
• Replaces baby photos with optimized pitch decks
• Generates AI startup ideas based on eye contact intensity

Final Thoughts

These lenses helped us understand: empathy isn't scalable. Love doesn't A/B test well. And "unpaid attention" is just emotional theft.

Thank you, Magic Lenses™. Now we can truly see things in the way that really matters and adjust our priorities accordingly and have our value set permanently rectified.

Verdict: 5 out of 5 convertible notes.

The future is clear. And very, very monetized.