Couple Claims They ‘Don’t Need Labels’ But Requires Flowchart to Explain Relationship to Friends*

The Philosophy of 'We're Just Vibing'

Local couple Megan and Alex have proudly declared they are "beyond labels" when it comes to defining their relationship. However, when pressed for clarification, their explanation requires multiple diagrams, a PowerPoint presentation, and a TED Talk-length speech to make any sense.

According to Megan, putting a name on their relationship is "a social construct designed to control us." Instead, she and Alex prefer a "fluid, organic connection that exists on multiple planes of understanding."

In practice, this "fluid connection" has led to confusion among their friend group.

"So, are they dating or not?" asks their exasperated friend Rachel, who has attempted to decode their relationship for the past six months.

"They go on dates, but they're not exclusive. But also, they don't see other people, except for that one time Megan 'explored her energy' with a barista named Chase. But that wasn't cheating because they don't believe in ownership. And also, Alex is allowed to cuddle his coworker but only on Thursdays? I don't know. I give up."

The Relationship Flowchart

After too many "It's complicated" responses, their friends demanded a formal explanation. In response, Megan and Alex produced a 17-slide Google Doc titled "The Ecosystem of Our Love: A Non-Linear Approach."

Some key takeaways include:

• They are "emotionally monogamous" but spiritually open.
• They live together, but their souls are "dating independently."
• They don't believe in jealousy, but Alex is not allowed to text his ex.
• Megan can "hold space" for other emotional connections, but Alex is encouraged to "stay present in the moment" (which means don't ask questions).

Friends Have Given Up Trying

At their latest friend gathering, attempts to define the relationship were abandoned entirely. Instead, a drinking game was created where guests take a shot every time Megan says "societal norms" or Alex mentions "quantum entanglement."

After some debate, the group decided it would be easier to just refer to them as 'those two' and move on with their lives.

As for Megan and Alex, they remain blissfully unaware of the confusion they cause.

"Labels don't define us," says Megan, making direct eye contact while updating her astrology app to see if their love is still valid based on planetary alignment.